New Year Reflections

In this second week of 2018, I’m thankful to God for new beginnings. 2017 was a tough one. I began the year struggling to adjust to a new job and questioning if I had made the right choice. I felt miserable and overworked. By mid-year, guilt and fear crept in. Every unwise choice and regret of the last 26 years festered like a shameful sore. Depression hit. And despite my desire to scratch off multiple professional and personal goals, I resigned myself to just trying to survive. Truthfully, my focus on self-preservation pushed concerns around external accomplishments and productivity to the bottom of my “worry” list.

With life, diabetes and this platform, survival often meant doing just enough to get by—working just enough hours at the office, doing just enough blood sugar checks, and sending just enough cheerful texts as to not elicit concern from family or friends. If I measured my success based on this fact alone, I could easily write 2017 off as a less than stellar year. But, I won’t, because that would be a lie. 2017 was a year of diving inward and facing myself. It was a season that challenged my understanding of self-love and one in which I wrestled with the gift of self-forgiveness. Moreover, it was a period in which I identified negative thought patterns and toxic behaviors, and began the work of plucking them from my spiritual garden. In 2018, I will continue to cultivate my inner sacred space and shower myself with boundless love and compassion. I look forward to seeing the outward manifestations of this work.